Apoplectic Press > Special Occasion and Holiday Cards > Anti Wedding Card
Nothing would make me happier than to wish you a lifetime of wedded bliss, but we all know you’ve merely confused the all-consuming biological urge to procreate with the genuine capacity to successfully maintain a lifelong committed relationship. Furthermore, you may not be sufficiently aware of the statistical improbability of such an endeavor. Apparently, your marriage has a mere 60% chance of lasting even 10 years and there’s a 50/50 chance that at least one of you will commit adultery. There’s even a chance your disconcertingly flimsy union may implode because someone faced the toilet paper roll in the wrong direction! I fervently hope this card was able to reach you in time. If not ...Happy Wedding Day!
